ALBERTO GONZALES

WANTED FOR FIRING ATTORNEY'S FOR POLITICAL REASONS

Legal Name: Alberto R. Gonzales
Occupation: Attorney General
Religion: Catholic
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Munchkin, Dweeb
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: August 4, 1955
BirthPlace: San Antonio, TX
Spouse: Rebecca Turner Gonzales
Children: 3 Sons
Previous Rank: 6

 

 

 

 

 

PAT ROBERTSON

WANTED FOR THEFT AND ENDANGERING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

Legal Name: Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson
Occupation: Evangelist
Religion: Protestant
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Pat
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: March 22, 1930
BirthPlace: Lexington, VA
Spouse: Adelia "Dede" Elmer
Children: Gordon, Tim and two others we think were sacrificed to God.

 

 

 

 

NANCY PELOSI

WANTED FOR FAILING TO IMPEACH BUSH

Legal Name: Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi
Occupation: 60th Speaker Of The House of Representatives
Religion: Roman Catholic
Political Party: Democrat
Aliases: Nancy
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: March 26, 1940
BirthPlace: Baltimore, MD
Spouse: Paul Pelosi
Children: Nancy Corinne, Christine, Jacqueline, Paul, and Alexandra

 

 

 

 

MIKE MEEHAN

WANTED FOR BEING ANTI-AMERICAN WHITE TRASH

Legal Name: Mike Meehan
Occupation: Businessman
Religion: Redneck
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Mike
Height: N/A
Weight: Fat
Birthdate: N/A
BirthPlace: Florida
Spouse: Florida Doesn't Allow Same Sex Marriage Yet
Children: Sperm Count Too Low To Reproduce