1. GEORGE W. BUSH

WANTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

Legal Name: George Walker Bush
Occupation: Businessman
Religion: Methodist
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Dubya, W, Little George
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 189 lbs
Birthdate: July 6, 1946
BirthPlace: New Haven, Connecticut
Residence: Crawford, Texas
Father: George Herbert Walker Bush
Mother: Barbara Pierce Bush
Spouse: Laura Welch (1946-)
Children: Barbara Pierce Bush (1981-), Jenna Welch Bush (1981-)

 

 

2. RICHARD CHENEY

WANTED FOR CONSPIRACY AND FRAUD

Legal Name: Richard Bruce Cheney
Occupation: Businessman, Politician
Religion: Methodist
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Dick, Big Time
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 210 lbs
Birthdate: January 30, 1941
BirthPlace: Lincoln, Nebraska
Spouse: Lynne Ann Vincent (1941-)
Children: Elizabeth, Mary

 

 

 

 

3. SALLY KERN

WANTED FOR BEING A HOMOPHOBIC IGNORANT BITCH

Legal Name: Sally Kern
Occupation: Oklahoma House of Representatives - District 84
Religion: Baptist
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Homophobe
Height: N/A
Weight: Fat
Birthdate: November 27, 1946
BirthPlace: Jonesboro, Arkansas
Spouse: Steve Kern
Children: 2 Sons (One of them is actually gay)

 

 

 

 

 

4. KARL ROVE

WANTED FOR BEING A CONSERVATIVE PIG

Legal Name: Karl Christian Rove
Occupation: Deputy White House Chief of Staff
Religion: Anti-Christ Himself
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Piggy
Height: Short
Weight: Obese
Birthdate: December 25, 1950
BirthPlace: Denver, CO
Spouse: Darby Rove
Children:

 

 

 

 

5. DONALD RUMSFELD

WANTED FOR CONSPIRACY, FRAUD AND WAR CRIMES

Legal Name: Donald H. Rumsfeld
Occupation: Businessman, Politician
Religion: Presbyterian
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Rummy
Height: 5'7 1/2"
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: July 9, 1932
BirthPlace: Evanston, Illinois
Spouse: Joyce Pierson
Children: Valerie (b. 1956), Marcy (b. 1960), and Nicholas (b. 1967)

 

 

 

 

6. SARAH PALIN

WANTED FOR KILLING WOLVES SO THERE'S MORE MOOSE TO HUNT

Legal Name: Sarah Louise Heath Palin
Occupation: Governor of Alaska
Religion: Pentecostal
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Sarah, Hockey Mom, Barracuda
Height: 5'5"
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: February 11, 1964
BirthPlace: Sandpoint, Idaho
Spouse: Todd Palin (First Dude)
Children: Track, Bristol (17 and knocked up herself), Willow, Piper, Trig

 

 

 

 

7. NEWTON GINGRICH

WANTED FOR BEING A RACIST AND CHEATING HIPOCRITE

Legal Name: Newton Leroy Gingrich
Occupation: 58th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives
Religion: Southern Baptist
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Newt, Cheat, Fatty
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: June 17, 1943
BirthPlace: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Spouse: Callista Bisek
Children:

 

 

 

 

8. ANN HART COULTER

WANTED FOR BEING A COMPLETE ASSCLOWN

Legal Name: Ann Hart Coulter
Occupation: Slutty Politician
Religion: Christian
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Slut
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: December 8, 1961
BirthPlace: New York, NY
Spouse: Single
Children: Can't have children, hasn't had operation yet!

 

 

 

 

9. CONDOLEEZZA RICE

WANTED FOR IGNORING WARNINGS TO PREVENT 9/11

Legal Name: Condoleezza Rice
Occupation: Secretary of State
Religion: Presbyterian
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Condi
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: November 14, 1954
BirthPlace: Birmingham, AL
Spouse:
Children:

 

 

 

 

10. TOM DELAY

WANTED FOR NOT ALLOWING TERRY SCHIAVO TO DIE IN PEACE

Legal Name: Thomas Dale DeLay
Occupation: Former House Majority Leader
Religion: Baptist
Political Party: Republican
Aliases: Whipping Boy
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Birthdate: April 8, 1947
BirthPlace: Laredo, TX
Spouse: Christine Furrh DeLay
Children:

 

 

 

 

Previous Ranked and Noteworthy Terrorists